Plan B not Vitamin C

Some of you might be surprised to hear that Plan B (a brand), also known as the morning after pill is indeed not a multivitamin. I know, shocking. The frequency with which some are popping these $50 dollar pills is ALARMING. I’m fairly certain that the pill was made with the intention of being an *emergency contraceptive*. From what I’ve gathered, emergency now means a range of things to different people. Some of which include: premeditated plans to engage in protection free intercourse with the intent to rely on the morning after pill, resolve to put oneself at risk for pregnancy and STD’s because ya manz “doesn’t like condoms” and lastly determination to approach one’s personal health with reckless abandon.

If you engage in this behavior, please regard this as a Quit Notice.

Normally one would be quick to blame the guys who more often than not pressure girls into not using proper contraception. But not today, time to take responsibility. Today I’m here to drag you, girl(s). Needless to say, any guy that would put your personal health at risk for his own satisfaction clearly doesn’t care about you like that, so you can kill those dreams of walking down the aisle with him. Yes, the responsibility of protection from STD’s is on both parties but come on, we are each responsible for our own actions and lives. This guy that you’re risking it all for will most probably not be there to see you through whatever STD or reproductive problem you eventually face as a result of your recklessness. He will probably deny your baby and leave your ass for Jane too.

The problem is not that women do not know that it could be harmful to your reproductive system, expose you to several diseases(some incurable), and is just fiscally irresponsible, they do. Very often, the exuberance of our youth sometimes makes us feel invincible. That “it can’t happen to me” feeling is one that many are all too familiar with. I mean who cares if you take 60 morning after pills a year, spending $3000 in total, scaling through with only a few curable STD’s? Who knows, your kind, sweet manz might even be the one paying or splitting the cost with you ( so thoughtful of him isn’t it). He’s already texted you “have you taken it” even though you only got in the Uber leaving his house 3 mins ago and couldn’t possibly have gotten to the pharmacy by now. And then he dutifully texts you a countdown till you confirm that you will not be making him a father. “Yo its been 48 hours, you gotta take it today”. So very responsible of him.

All is well until a couple of years down the line you’ve finally found da one, you marry him, settle down and now you’re trying to have kids. In the words of Gabrielle Union, “your ovaries start coughing up dust” and life just stares you back in the face like “Bishhh you thought!”.

Okay that might have been extreme.

Dont quote me on saying you’ll be infertile if you continue playing your life like MMM. However, I did read an account of a woman who was a serial plan B eater. After taking the pill as usual, 2 weeks later she found that she was pregnant. She ended up having an ectopic pregnancy and had to have surgery. I don’t know what ended up happening with her but if the doctors had found that her fallopian tubes had been damaged as a result, then the possibility of her having a normal pregnancy in the future would be very slim. Infact, even without damage to her fallopian tubes, it is usually more difficult for women who have had ectopic pregnancies to conceive. The truth is we don’t know the extent of damage that pills like this can cause when they’re abused. I did a little research and I found that there have been some links to cancer and infertility but none of these claims have been fully substantiated. I wouldn’t consider myself to be a conspiracy theorist but if scientists did find that these claims were true, would these companies producing and making so much money of these pills want us to know it? Doubtful.

The point is this. Life is fragile, take care of yourself, even if not for yourself, but for your family and loved ones. No one is policing you and telling you not to do whatever it is that you want, but make wise decisions. Prioritize yourself and your safety at all times. Reproductive health is extremely important and in this day and age we are lucky to have a wealth of resources available to us. Take advantage of this. Visit your gynecologist regularly, get pap smears, get mammograms, take your vitamins, like actual vitamins and your older self will be thankful.

The motive is to let enjoyment be the only thing that can kill you, don’t play yourself and risk it all for Femi ACS that has already introduced his real girlfriend to his parents even though his friends keep calling you Iyawo.

Be safe out in these streets.

Re: Reuben Abati: Big Brother Naija- Television as Madness

WTF WERE YOU THINKING, SIR?????

Okay.

I think I threw up in my mouth a total of 4 times after reading this article. First and foremost who is Reuben Abati? According to google, he is the Former Presidential Spokesman for ex President Jonathan. What is the correlation of a former presidential spokesman to BBN? I can’t categorically tell you.  Of recent, I only see his name on Bellanaija but I don’t think I’ve ever read any article of his. I probably wouldn’t have seen today’s *hot pile of trash* if I didn’t read the post about Uti’s tweets. Uti was 100% right. Before I even start dissecting what this old man wrote, why exactly did he feel the need to write “baby” every time he referenced women? The use of that world really just brought to mind images of creepy old perverts and the picture Bellanaija used did not in anyway help matters. I can’t fathom why he thought that to be a good idea. Was he trying to sound young? Or was he deliberately trying to sound condescending misogynistic and perverted? Who is your baby, sir?

For those of you who don’t have the time or don’t just care to read the article (https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/reuben-abati-big-brother-naija-television-as-madness/) , here is a quick synopsis. He starts the article by hailing Efe the winner of BN( Congrats to you Efe!) then goes on a lewd misogynistic rant about TBoss and Bisola, talks about TBoss’es breasts, fat shames Tiwa Savage and then asks Tuface to bring Annie Idibia (from where ?) to twerk( who even taught this old man the meaning of twerk?, kids please keep your parents off the web, seriously.). He then goes on and on about why BBN should not be done outside Nigeria again (fair point) and he concludes by name dropping Aliko Dangote, Femi Otedola and some other Nigerian Dons( S/O to you sirs, I’m greeting you 🙂 ).

Now I’m going to try my best to abstain from using any insulting words because my parents would not approve. That’s as much respect as this man deserves in reference to this article.

Sir, this is unacceptable and disgraceful on every single level that there is. I know parents have a way of embarrassing their kids but this sir, is too far. The kind of expletives and words used to describe T-Boss and Bisola: whorish, jezebel antics, sex object, Delilah, ultimate manipulator, cheap, self-denigrating, female barracuda. For only 2 women! You would think maybe he knew these women personally. I actually never watched BBN but I did keep up with what was going on through Bellanaija. We all watched the clip of Kemen sexually assaulting TBoss, but according to Mr. Reuben, TBoss used her ‘Jezebel antics’ to get Kemen kicked out of the house. I don’t even want to go into that sexual assault issue and the fact that TBoss has every right to press charges against that man. But the fact that a grown man, a father also, would not only approve of such criminal and heinous behavior but also now try to chalk it up to her “jezebel antics” is extremely disgusting and quite frankly sad. Sad for you Mr. Reuben, sad!.

Oh it gets better. He then goes on to say:

“I have seen better breasts TBOSS. I am not too sure those private jet owners will be excited by your fluffy, South-looking, slightly bigger than mangoes breasts. If the same men see bigger assets, I mean, those interesting Ojiakor-like ones that look like papayas, pineapples and watermelons, they will not send private jets, they will deploy submarines and fighter jets! And that ‘s why you got N500k in the end”

*bangs head against*

Y’ALL!. This man has a family. Wife, kids, brothers, sisters, parents maybe, uncles and aunts, cousins. These people have to bear his name and therefore his shame. Are you not ashamed, sir?? Do you not have shame ? Can you not pity your family and friends? This uncle will still go to his religious place of worship and be forming holy. This uncle will still expect to be treated with respect in society!. I can not even begin to think of how a person capable of writing something like this was able to get into a presidential position! Is this what Nigeria has come to?

Of course he then goes on to slut-shame Bisola for her fling with TTT. He however conveniently forgot to mention of the fact that TTT turned out to be married. Fantastic . Weh done sah! Maybe Bisola was having the fling all by herself, we don’t know.

“Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well”- Philip Stanhope

Sir, this your moral high-ground-thing that you tried to do, you did not do it well, try again next time.

The amount of vitriol Mr. Reuben showed towards these women and women in general makes me wonder if he tried to talk to them and he was rejected so maybe he is talking from a place of hurt. Surprisingly, that is not the case. As if all this mess isn’t enough to grind your gears this kind sir proceeds to drag Tiwa Savage and Annie Idibia into it.

Tiwa Savage (hey baby, watch that growing fat around your waist and thigh), Tuface (thanks TuBaba but next time tell Annie to twerk for us- what was that!)”.

*vomits one more time*

“Watch that growing fat around your waist and thighs”. My only response to this statement is Matthew 7:5, sir.

I’m almost tempted to ask how you would feel if someone was asking your wife who is minding her own business to come and twerk but I will not because that’s not the point and women deserve to not be disrespected regardless of whether they are your wife or not! This article was callous, reckless and quite frankly you sound drunk, especially coming from an elder in society. Someone who might even be regarded by some to be a “leader”.

Sir, the times have changed. This is not the 70’s. It has never and will never be okay to disrespect women and think you have the right to not only ogle at our bodies but to also shame us. That might have flown back then but right now? It’s a No from all of us, sir. Freedom of speech does exist, yes, but freedom of speech is not freedom from consequence. The fact that you need people who are young enough to be your children and maybe even grandchildren to call you out on this catastrophe of an article is truly shameful. Had Nigeria been a more organized country, you would most certainly have had to resign from whatever post you occupy now as a consequence of your actions and even your peers would have avoided you like a plague. Sadly it is not, but that does not mean that we will not stand up for what is right.

In summary, sir. The collective response of youth all over Nigeria is NO. Just no sir. No thank you!. We can not and we will never accept this kind of thing from anyone! Nigerian women all over the world are out there doing great things, discovering things, starting businesses, flying planes, writing books, starting bobsled teams, researching cancer cures,  raising kids, making history,  being top notch entertainers and even competing in shows like BBN. Just the other day our very own Amina J Mohammed became the Deputy Secretary General of the UN and you are telling us that you want to reduce us women to body parts? God forbid.

My advice to you sir is to educate yourself. You sir, need to unlearn all that misogyny and privilege that makes you think what you did was okay. And the next time that demon of misogyny comes to whisper in your ear, you should sound a thunderous “Flee from me, Satan”. I think we can all agree that you owe not only these 4 women, but Nigerian women in general a real and sincere apology and a promise to refrain from such disgusting, shameful and ugly behavior in the future.

Mr. Abati, please apologize, learn from your mistakes and sin no more!

 

P.S. Please forgive my poor Blog-manship. I truly suck but I’m working on making this thing look a little cuter. 🙂

Open Minded? If I hear?!

When a person tells you to keep an open mind, brace yourself.

Ngozi repeated this over and over again in her mind so that she will never fall into such a trap again. America is a very funny country indeed. Moving from Nigeria for school, Ngozi had promised herself that she would learn to adapt to American ways and become more enlightened and conscious. And so she embraced most things that American culture had to offer with open arms. “ Keep an open mind”. It was a phrase that she had heard several times before. She really didn’t know exactly what it meant and she didn’t think anyone else fully did but as her caucasian friend, Alice, would tell her , “it’s a thing”, whatever that meant. All she knew was that being open minded was synonymous with being good and liberal, or so she thought.

So on this fateful day when she met up with the guy from the dating site who had described himself as an open minded individual, she had high hopes. David is what Marie, her african american roommate, would call a tall drink of water. Again, Ngozi wasn’t exactly sure what this meant but it sounded like something positive so she went with it. David was 6’5 and at 27, had a great job, a masters degree from an Ivy league school and had been to several countries around the world, he was cultured. He seemed to check off every single point on her checklist except that at 5’2 herself, a guy that was 6’5 just didn’t fit the picture. She decided not to write him off based on their height difference because he had all these great qualities. “ Who height epp for this life” she thought to herself. And so when David walked into the bar and towered over her, she tried not to be intimidated. They introduced themselves and their date was underway.

Ngozi was surprised at how much they had in common even though they were from such different backgrounds. He was even more good looking than his pictures, very confident, intelligent and well spoken and he knew it. The date was going very well, so much so that not even half way in, they had made plans to see each other again the next week. Ngozi was already giving herself a pat on the back, she had caught a good fish. When David asked her if she thought herself to be an open minded individual, she nodded enthusiastically. After all, she often tried her best not to judge people, she was happy when President Obama gave the gay community the right to marry and she was an overall good person, so hell yeah she was open minded!. She began to rattle off about how closed minded people were back home and how they used Christianity as a justification for their hatred towards the gay community. David listened, agreed and seemed convinced that she was indeed open indeed, Ngozi thought.

“So what is your guilty pleasure” David asked.

Ngozi had heard that phrase before and had a vague understanding of what it meant but she’d never really used it before or applied it herself. “ I’m not sure honestly, I haven’t really thought of that before” she said. “Are you a sweet tooth? Do you like ice cream?” he asked. “Eh not really”

“Do you like to bite your nails and eat them” he joked. “Ewwwwwww!” she screamed and they both laughed. “Okay how about you tell me yours and then I’ll have an idea as to what mine could be” said Ngozi.

“ Okay, well, I’m really into BDSM and I like to watch porn during sex”

It was as if the world stopped for a second. Ngozi wasn’t sure she had just heard those words come out of those beautifully shaped lips on David’s face. She could not even hide the shock on her face. If she had some of her drink in her mouth at that exact moment she probably would have spat it out. Seeing the shock and confusion on her face, David got defensive. “Why are you looking at me like I’m some disgusting thing” he asked her. Ngozi tried to compose herself and play it cool. “ I’m not even going to address whatever sexual fantasies that you have, but what shocked me was the fact that you thought it appropriate to say this to someone you don’t know from Adam on the first date. “ Oh please, stop acting so scandalized. You were the one who kept going on and on about how open minded you are and yet here you are acting like the Queen of England. “ he retorted. Seeing the confusion on Ngozi’s face, he pressed on “Oh, you don’t know the meaning of open minded do you? What did you think I meant by putting in my dating profile that i was looking for open minded women?”. Ngozi was too dazed to react, she got her jacket and almost sprinted out of the bar. The only person she could be mad at was herself. This is what she got for pretending to understand things and their contexts in a foreign culture. She was extremely embarrassed and quite frankly shocked at how nice kind David had turned into a ferocious lion because of her reaction to his ‘guilty pleasure’.

When she got home, Marie was on the couch with her boyfriend and 2 of their friends. She narrated her ordeal to them and they had a good laugh for at least 20 minutes. She couldn’t even tell if they were laughing at her or laughing at her situation. “ Damn girl! Them people that be going around advertising how open minded they are be into the craziest shit ever! They just say that to make it sound politically correct” Marie ‘s boyfriend said. Although embarrassed, Ngozi was happy for the lesson on open mindedness she received that night.

“Na wa oh, so this is how I just wasted make-up plus perfume on top open mind in America? Never again”. Although shaken up and annoyed, Ngozi lived to date another day.

The Art of Savagery

*Cue Rihanna’s Needed Me*

DIDN’T THEY TELL YOU THAT I WAS A SAVAGE?????

The scene is set in a group chat titled ‘bad bitches’. Miss X, who will later be known as said savage referenced above, hits up the group chat to give them the latest update on her relations with bae, a.k.a poor unsuspecting guy who is trying his best to not only impress, but also express his feelings towards Miss X (see what I did there? 🙃). So Miss X goes on to tell the group chat about how ‘moist’, ‘soft’ and how much of a ‘pushover’ bae is and how after 5 months of him putting in his best efforts, wine’ing and dining, showing care & love etc. she plays him.  At their just concluded date, he had asked her to be his girlfriend and she said and I quote “ You’re nice and all but honestly not the type of guy I see myself in a relationship with”. The group chat goes wild. “You go girl!”, “Zammmnnnnn Zadddddyyyyyy”, “ I’m dead! *insert 167 of these 😂  emoji’s* ” and, of course, the king of all praises “ SAVAGE”.

Brethren, why?

Why is our generation so obsessed with the idea of being unemotional, cold hearted, manipulative and generally wretched towards one another? Why does everyone all of a sudden want to be quick to the punch when it comes to hurting others? The ironic thing is, deep down no one wants to be hurt by friends, partners or even strangers. Really and truly, whether its platonic or whether its romantic, everyone just wants to be loved . I know many people can argue that people build walls and develop tough skin due to past bad experiences of broken hearts and unrequited love and honestly that’s a fair argument. I think it’s fair to have walls or have tough skin, but it certainly isn’t okay to set out to ruin others and then revel in the carnage. It is cruel and sadistic, if you ask me. This doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships but our relationships with one another as a whole. Science has proven that human beings need intimacy to live a healthy life and no I don’t mean just physical intimacy (get ya head out of the gutter), I mean intimacy as in closeness and familiarity with one another. So, if you are set out to be a savage to every and everyone, including those girls in your bad bitches group chat if they so much as look at you wrong, then how do we achieve that?

In fear of sounding too corny, I’ll go ahead and say the world is such a messed up place. I mean we have a looney toon running for the most powerful office in the world, we really don’t need all this extra wretchedness and unnecessary cruelty. Everyone wants to hype about “good vibes only”, but you as a person, your own vibe is bad, how does that work? Are the days of spreading positivity, love and really just common human decency, far gone? Were they ever here? This is just my own two cents based on how I see the world, but I do want to know, what do you guys feel about this whole savage thing? Is it all bravado? Is pop culture to blame for promoting it? Is Rihanna to blame? Share your thoughts with me!

Disclaimer

*The little excerpt above is purely for context/ comedic purposes. This behavior is not specific to any one gender and no, I do not by any means believe that wine’ing and dining someone gives you a right to their attention, affection or love. Also, there is nothing wrong with a person not meeting your relationship standards, just don’t wait 5 months to tell them 🙃 *

Btw I was serious when I said share your thoughts with me so PLEASE SHARE them 🙃

Thank you for reading 💖💖💖